21st May
4 years on and the right words are still hard to find, they still escape me.
I am blessed though, truly blessed with a wonderful fiancée who has given me the space I need to think things through and hold me when I need holding. Blessed with wonderful friends and family who are there for me and help as best as they can in these circumstances.
I’m also thankful for being able to take time out for the first time in 4 years. No exams to worry about or coursework to finish and so I can be still and reflect.
Having said that there are worries and concerns. Our flat in Southsea has fallen through and so we’re off down to Portsmouth tomorrow. Whilst I like the city and its nice to be there doesn’t exactly tie in with how I saw this long weekend break going when I first booked the time off.
Oh well, one year just maybe I’ll be able to be quiet and still but then perhaps its a blessing in disguise that at the moment I can’t be.
4 years on and yeah, these words aren’t the right ones either.
Dan
13th May
Seems things are really starting to fall into place, housing wise and wedding wise.
Yesterday Kita put down the holding deposit on our flat in Southsea and as I’m sure you’ve read her job has all been sorted as well 
The flat we’ve got is the one we wanted, mercifully no one else went for it whilst we were waiting to hear about Kita’s job.
It’s a little bit quirky as a place but it is a good size, has a second bedroom which will make an ideal study and a terrace garden. I say qwerky but that’s not the right word, perfect? Well it’s pretty close. The kitchen is a little small for my liking but meh, it’s a tiny thing not even a niggle and for the rent we’ll be paying, honestly I don’t think we could have dreamed for anything better.
I’m looking forward to having a study for the first time and a decent sized desk in a fairly long while as well. I’m looking forward to having separate places to sleep, relax and work. Since going to Uni, that being the first time I’ve done much work away from school it’s always felt a little odd sleeping in the same room as all my computer bits and pieces. Of course in my first year of Uni it was worse then that as you try and cram in all your entertainment into the same room as well. Now though I’m looking forward to having room to spread out somewhat, to having those separate rooms for work and play. There’s something almost feng shui about it!
We’re also going to have a two week overlap renting wise between Southsea and Reading to make life a little easier, so no need to put stuff in storage etc. We get the keys (references pending) on the 15th June and then the plan is to pretty much move in over the weekend of the 20th/21st. Friends on the Isle of Wight, free?
Between now and then I guess it’s a case of starting to box things up again and deep cleaning the house in Reading.
Man does it feel good that things have fallen into place.
Dan
10th May
Numb kind of, like I can’t quite decide how I should feel. Life’s busy and very exciting at the moment but at the same time there’s a part of me that feels like I shouldn’t be too happy. Like I ought to be on the brakes a little, certainly over this month.
Does that make any sense?
This time last year I was something of a blubbering wreck, not exactly ideal coming into an exam season! The year before, for some reason I don’t remember being too bad but this year, I don’t know.
It’s all starting to feel like a distant memory, like the pain and guilt I feel are fading and in my head that all feels rather wrong. In my mind I think that I should still hurt but my heart is in the moment and looking forwards.
Sorry this is somewhat self-serving but I’ve always wanted this blog to be a fairly true reflection of me and so it is what it is.
Dan
6th May
The invites are nearly complete, I’ve been fitted for my suit and the food is being organised.
The invites, I think, look really good. We had something of a production line making them last weekend and last night Kita and I finally decided on the wording that would go inside. So hopefully, soon, the invites will go out. That is once the bit on the inside is all complete and the inserts for our wedding list arrive.
That’s one thing that I’ve no idea about at the moment. The wedding list, what do you put on it? Stuff you’d like, but can’t really afford? Or practical stuff that is useful but come to think of it we’ve hopefully already got? Don’t get me wrong, I think having a list makes sense, you only need so many cake slices but it’s just what to put on there. Better pots and pans perhaps? Nicer bed linen I guess?
Suit wise, I can’t remember if I said before, oh wait perhaps I shouldn’t say and it’ll just be a surprise for some. Anyway, the suit fitting was good fun and it was nice to spend some time with the best man and ushers. Next I’ve got to organise all the Dad’s fittings and then the hardest of all, the page boys. I’m sure they’ll be fine, actually come to think of it, perhaps they wont and the suit may get a little damaged but either way, so long as they have a good time and have some fun dressing up then it’s all good.
For the food, well, lets just say my favourite bit isn’t until somewhat later in the day but it’s worth the wait
Dan
27th April
Hopefully, all being well and just possibly by the time you read this we’ll have a place in Southsea sorted.
We went flat hunting on Saturday and if we hadn’t been properly tackling our bedroom yesterday (shock, horror) I would have typed this then. We found a flat we both liked, ticked all the boxes and has a few bonus niceities.
I’m really trying not to get my hopes up too much on the place at the moment as it could all fall through. Why haven’t we put a deposit on the place? Because at the moment Kita’s job isn’t entirely confirmed.
In an ideal world the rest of the day will pan out like this:
- Kita gets her job confirmed
- The flat is still available
- We confirm the flat and try and get a little bit below the asking price
- Send money this evening to secure the flat
Of course the worlds not ideal but heck, I can hope!
Anyway, as you know I’ll post when I know more, please pray!
Dan