So the reading more of the Bible is going well but its not without its problems, the biggest of which seems to be understanding. As with most books I ask why and at the moment I’m not really getting answers?

I suspect my lack of understanding has been going on for far longer than has been apparent but its only because I just started reading the Bible again that I’ve noticed. I do wonder if it hadn’t been for lent how long it would have been until I had actually taken it upon myself to read it.

I also suspect that my lack of understanding is down to a lack of the Holy Spirit in me at the moment. I’ve heard the analogy that humans are like buckets riddled with holes many times but its only now I can really feel it as the last drops are clinging to the sides.

I can remember the times when the bucket was overflowing, when the stuff going in was a lot quicker than the stuff falling out. If I’m honest its this memory that has kept me going really, knowing what can be. What does that say about me though? That I can just remember rather than act on it. Thing is I don’t really know how to act on it.

In years gone by events like Soul Survivor have filled the bucket up and going to Church regularly has kept it topped up. Perhaps a scarier thought then is that I’ve always relied on being in a group and that I need to be amongst others to know God.

Randall has written a reply to a letter from a Pastor that just seems far too accurate to how I feel this morning. Sure I don’t have to prepare a talk every Sunday, or encourage others etc but the second paragraph just sums it up:

I’m not sure what it is I’m missing, but some days I feel empty or dry or like I’m lacking something or like there is a disconnect between me and God. And that scares me more than any of these other concerns.

Dan

Talking of which that is an area that has seen a big difference. Getting up earlier has meant I can have a cup of tea at home and go through the wake-up process at home. As a result I seem to be a lot more productive for the first hour of the day.

I don’t know if being more awake has made a difference to my motivation or if it is just the nature of the work I’m getting but it’s certainly improved. I’m working on implementing an NFS system for our lab and it looks like it could well develop, possibly making a management type website. Finally some network work

So that was a brief update, works busy and I really should get back to this conference call…

Dan

Anyway, it’s Shrove Tuesday and whilst I tend not to be religious in the typical sense of the word lent is the one time of the year that for the last 5+ years I’ve tried to make something of. Not in a Christian type way for a lot of it, but more as a test to myself I guess. Before I’ve given up chocolate, beer, those kinds of things.

This year though, I think it might have to be a more Godly orientated thing, I think I need it. My plan is to get up 20/30 minutes earlier in the morning, read the Bible (haven’t picked it up in far to long) and pray.

That’s the plan, any prayer in support would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

Dan

Lately though the understanding hasn’t been going quite so great and I think it’s probably fair to say that most of this is down to being a coal out of the fire. It’s fair to say I/we haven’t really settled down at a Church in Reading. Partly its our fault but also down to circumstances.

If Kita’s not working a Sunday then we tend to take the opportunity to see people. If she is working then having spent 6/7 hours at work without a break she tends to be a bit pooped and needs a good rest. That and I know Kita has been missing friends, especially her housegroup at BCC and likewise I miss friends from King's and the cell groups we had there.

So yeah, feeling like a coal out the fire. It has been effecting me, especially my creative side which seems to have dwindled a lot but I guess this is also down to not playing the trumpet much which in turn is down to not being part of a group to play in.

I guess it will all right itself when we head to Portsmouth but at the moment there’s no doubting the fire’s somewhat cooler and with it the enthusiasm and understanding.

Question is, whether to even hit Publish?

Sorry it’s really just gibberish.

Dan

For me it was quite an eye opener; very humbling but also surprising.

It’s quite incredible how these people live, carrying all their worldly possessions with them, most of them barely filling a coat pocket. Many of them are on the street down to past mistakes, getting mixed up in alcohol and drugs but equally there are those who appear to have just had the worst luck imaginable.

I couldn’t get over how nice most of them were, hugely respectful of us and ensuring we had space and time to set up some tables for putting tea and coffee. Sure there were those  who were impatient and grabbed for things but for the most part they were very polite and not at all what I was expecting.

I guess that says a lot about me more than anything. I was expecting more of a manic free for all and was worried about my phone being pinched, so it was tucked away in my concealed jacket pocket. It’s wrong of me to have stereotyped these people in that way and yes, for me it broke most of my preconceptions.

I said it was surprising and for many reasons; how polite they were, how far off my preconceptions were but also how fussy they were! Pret-a-manger (sp?) provide FAITH, the group that run this programme, with all unused sandwiches and salads from the day which I think is pretty awesome of a high street company. Anyway, it was quite surprising to see how fussy the people we were giving them to were, I kind of figured that if they haven’t eaten all day then they’d be happy with anything. Likewise we ran out of sugar for hot drinks and most of them then turned down the tea and coffee.

Perhaps though, that this is another thing I should ponder? Come to think of it, it’s wrong of me to think that just because they’re homeless they’ll eat anything almost like a stray dog. They’re people and therefore deserve some kind of choice, although I guess you could equally say they should be happy with anything, stale bread and water?

Yes it was a huge eye opener for me and humbled me in a way I’ve rarely thought of before, too be thankful for the small things we take for granted, food on the table and a warm bed.

Dan

First off “The Facebook of Genesis” seems rather accurate and heck, could probably be used in some kind of  Student Alpha ice breaker type thing. Quick way to cover the first few chapters and hopefully generate conversation as well. Wonder if someone could do the whole Bible, probably, although my guess is you’d have to have far too much time on your hands. Or, could be a good final year theology project!

The other item was some news from the BBC, a Russian Church being stolen. Ok, it’s quite cruel that I found this amusing  but come on, a Church tends to be a fair sized building and that no one would notice it being removed brick by brick is somewhat odd.

Yeah just a couple of things I found amusing.

Oh another thing, the Twitter Tools I use for the daily twitter based post has been updated so it can do a weekly roundup instead, which is exactly what I wanted for two reasons. First, no doubt some don’t particularly want to see all my tweets for the day and second there’s less of a danger of the homepage just being twitter updates as that, that would be sad.

Dan

I hate arguing, especially with Kita. I guess that’s not such a bad thing to hate.

We cuddled and made-up this morning but I still feel this tinge, a nasty edge that, I dunno, causes doubt. It’s silly I know but it’s the truth. It’s just silly emotions, flaring up and heck by the time I get home they’ll be down and all will be well with the world.

If the arguing were more often then it’d be a cause for concern but it’s not so it’s not.

I guess when two people love each other more than either of them could imagine then without being mind-readers there are bound to be things that are just got wrong, mis-communication etc. No malice intent just misunderstanding and whilst stuff like that might not make much difference at work, perhaps a little telling off or between friends who laugh it off but in a deep relationship it just hurts and seemingly escalates.

I think this is why this is so appropriate to my mood this morning and I should really learn from Ephesians 4:26-27:

“In your anger do not sin”^: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

Now I’m thinking, should I even post this? The dust settles but then, perhaps this is a good lesson for me to learn and this is just documenting it?

I don’t know, the learning continues.

Dang, hit the publish button.

Dan

”
Dan

Unfortunately my student loan doesn’t look like it will arrive any time soon, I’m guessing now the middle of November but thankfully things that could have been a problem and got in the way and got me down have somewhat been pushed to the side.

It’s true that money has been getting me down. I’m earning more than I have ever before but then my outgoings are far higher. Car’s are a lot more expensive to run then they were when I first passed my test for instance. Anyway, as I was saying money had been getting me down, keeping me up etc. Kita knew something was up and pleaded with me to pray but alas I’m foolish and when things aren’t great I struggle to pray. I shouldn’t I know but I do.

These last few days though. It just feels like someone, Him, really does want us to get married. For the day to be great, an expression and celebration of faith, hope and love.

It reminds me of a story, a time when I was just as worried and nervous that no doubt I’ll tell my children. The day I needed the kick up the backside to buy Kita her engagement ring. What was I thinking, 20, hadn’t really discussed it with anyone properly. It was one of those things, in the future, down the road. Then it felt it was the right thing to do, that gut instinct, warm, cosy but a little uneasy, butterflies I suppose.

The story goes (Ben and Ruth can co-oberate(sp?) this) I was hopelessly losing to Ben in a pool match, something at the time which TBH was a little unheard of (not meaning to be mean, Ben is much better now and the games are a lot closer, in fact we should play soon!). I think I was about 8 – nil down, I was constantly thinking about proposing not in the slightest bit thinking about the game. I prayed, something silly along the lines of “look, you’ve put this gut feeling into, well my gut, if it really is right and true then let me beat Ben”. The next thing, my head cleared and I won something along the lines of 8 – 10 and went straight to the shop and bought the ring.

Anyway, it just feels like His hand is in it all again, like He really wants this to happen every bit as much as Kita and I do.

Dan

The past few days, I don’t really know how to describe them. Challenging, interesting, tough, blessed? I don’t honestly know what would best sum it up. A summary, the bathroom decided to piddle into the lounge, not sure how quickly my student loan will come through (need it for the MOT/service on the car) and saving is hard.

Each one of these slight problems is well honestly being beaten, some would say luck but (yes I’m going to be Christian) it just feels like God is providing. The bathroom could have been a lot worse, we noticed it quickly enough and we’re able to dry up and fix the problem without calamity. My student loan was starting to get me down but after a drive home, perhaps a little prayer, I had an email from Uni (who before didn’t seem to have had the time to respond to my queries) and things are rolling in the right direction for that to come through. Finally saving, it’s still going to be hard but today Kita won some money and that is going to help so much. We still have saving to do but this money will help and for me at least it is a source of encouragement.

There are other little niggles as well that are getting resolved as well. Work is quiet, to quiet for my liking but today I finally got set a proper little project that should slow me down from tweeting things such as:

Oh dear, it’s Monday morning and already I’m thinking about the weekend

Just want to go home now, ooh Kita just called, the honeymoon is booked, where I’ve no idea but I’m sure it’ll be good

So yeah, things looking up, exactly what I needed.

Dan