So the reading more of the Bible is going well but its not without its problems, the biggest of which seems to be understanding. As with most books I ask why and at the moment I’m not really getting answers?
I suspect my lack of understanding has been going on for far longer than has been apparent but its only because I just started reading the Bible again that I’ve noticed. I do wonder if it hadn’t been for lent how long it would have been until I had actually taken it upon myself to read it.
I also suspect that my lack of understanding is down to a lack of the Holy Spirit in me at the moment. I’ve heard the analogy that humans are like buckets riddled with holes many times but its only now I can really feel it as the last drops are clinging to the sides.
I can remember the times when the bucket was overflowing, when the stuff going in was a lot quicker than the stuff falling out. If I’m honest its this memory that has kept me going really, knowing what can be. What does that say about me though? That I can just remember rather than act on it. Thing is I don’t really know how to act on it.
In years gone by events like Soul Survivor have filled the bucket up and going to Church regularly has kept it topped up. Perhaps a scarier thought then is that I’ve always relied on being in a group and that I need to be amongst others to know God.
Randall has written a reply to a letter from a Pastor that just seems far too accurate to how I feel this morning. Sure I don’t have to prepare a talk every Sunday, or encourage others etc but the second paragraph just sums it up:
I’m not sure what it is I’m missing, but some days I feel empty or dry or like I’m lacking something or like there is a disconnect between me and God. And that scares me more than any of these other concerns.
Dan
17th March 2009
11:07 am
A rather too late reply, and I’m sorry for that.
We are leaky, you’re quite right, and sometimes we are also inclined to wander off. There’s nothing wrong with meeting with a group to get your regular refill – most of us do that with our churches and home groups. A part of the problem for you guys is that you don’t seem to have become connected in to the body of Jesus where you are, and this is partly the result. I’m not blaming you: sometimes it’s hard to make that connection. Remember toe coal analogy.
But you’re now also in a place where you know you don’t have all the answers, and that’s a good thing. Why don’t you and Kita get together, set an evening aside and ask God to fill you both up again. Make a little time, give Him some space and see what He does.
If there’s anything you’ve done that you think is sin then it’s also a good time to confess and be released from the guilt that goes with it. Sometimes sin can just get in the way and stop us hearing God. It’s the elephant in the room with him, and it can seem so big that we can’t hear or see Him round it.
The other thing is to just be quiet before Him and wait for a bit. It’s often hard to just stop, but so often it’s when we aren’t ‘doing’ that we start to hear again.